Making It

I was lifting my weights this morning (don't get too excited...I did 10 minutes of arm weights and abs!) I had a thought that I hadn't updated all week.

I had a pretty good weekend.  Some indulgences, but nothing I "regret". And this week, though I ate too much sugar at work Monday (darn you rice krispie treats and candy!), I ate an all-veggie dinner to make up for it.

I'm feeling pretty good.  While my efforts could always be better....I am doing well.  I'm looking forward to next week when all of my extra Zumba classes are done- and all I have to teach is my usual T/Th classes.  Then I will have the time/energy to really do some extra workouts.

I'm hoping to be in the 180s this Friday.  Still making it work...

Not All Bad

So I weighed in this morning at 190.8....only .3 up from last week.  Considering that I had a tough time this week getting back on track after my weekend...I'll take it.

And now I know to work hard to get in the freaking 180s next week.

I have some fun outings this weekend, but nothing food-wise that I'm worried about.  Mom and I are going to Fayetteville...and we will split something for lunch (hopefully a g-free pizza from Wood Stone Craft)...and Sunday is lunch at Crystal Bridges, but it's just sandwiches....so it won't be too bad.

So here is to working out every day this weekend (I'm thinking walk after work today, Piyo Saturday and Sunday)....and making it happen.

Defeated

I don't know why, but I let my weekend derail me and make me feel defeated.  I didn't get back on track quickly, in fact, I sort of rebelled and binged yesterday.

I know what to do, but doing it some days seems impossible.

Today I'm trying to shake the defeated feeling (even though I weighed in this morning and had back almost all of the weight I lost last week!) and be good.

I WANT to be obedient to God's call and those this weight.  I WANT to fit into all the clothes in my closet.  I WANT to not hate what I see some days in the mirror.  I WANT it.  But some days, I lose that perspective.

I'm praying for focus today.  I know this is a journey, and a couple steps backwards doesn't mean I stop.  But for the 57th time again, I'm here.  I'm working.  I'm committed.

I hesitate to set lofty goals...but I will say this: Tyler graduates from the police academy in a month...and I want to be safely in the 180s and I have a dress in mind to wear.  It's a little snug now....so I have something to work towards.

Anyone else felt the struggle bus feeling lately?  How do I stay OFF of that bus?

Guess it's all part of the process..

Coming off the weekend

So while I most definitely could have done WORSE over the weekend...I wasn't perfect by any means.

I ate chips and queso, I had a beer at Kristin's, I ate churros at lunch.

But whatever.  I haven't weighed yet to see the "damage" (which I know some of which will be water), but I'm back to tracking and working out.  I got my 10,000 steps yesterday (walked a couple miles) and I have healthy things planned today.

I just struggle so much with the social eating and eating at fun/new places.  I want to try all the things and enjoy myself.  But I have to balance those occasions with times when I make good choices.

Like today, I'm eating lunch with my friend Brandy at a new place.  I REALLY want to try this pasta dish...but instead I'm getting the grilled meat and baked potato dish.  It will be delish and I'll never know the difference. :)

So....hopefully I'll see a loss this week.  I'm working!

SORE

Yesterday I went to see a therapist for my hip pain...and y'all, she did some trigger point therapy on my hip and hamstring and abdomen and it HURT.  My hip feels better..but my muscles where she worked were SORE. But I powered through two Zumba classes and I managed to get up and do Piyo this morning. So bam.  Activity goals met.

I did eat a little too much when I got home last night.  I was ravenous and had a serving of tortilla chips with my taco soup...and then when I was baking, I had to sample the finished product to see if it was good.  But it wasn't a bust by any means.

Today we have a potluck at work today.  My mantra is "sample, but don't go crazy."

I weighed in this morning and I'm just shy of 2 pounds lost at 190.4.   A loss of 1.9 pounds.

I can easily be in the 180s next week if I work for it.

So now just to make good choices this weekend (I'm sure you're tired of hearing this...but if I repeat it, it becomes true!)....and keep going!

On Point

Man, it feels good to be rolling along on point.  I mean, yesterday, I ate what I planned (with the exception of a lunch swap.  I wasn't hungry at lunch so I only ate my apple and cheese...and so later when the group went to Starbucks, I got a frap- but it was technically my "lunch."  Healthy?  Probably not the best choice...but at least I had one and not both!).  I ate healthy at church - which right now is easy because mom makes my meal to-go for me to eat during class.  In two weeks I'll have to make those good choices myself and say no to dessert myself when I'm back at church dinners.

Anyway....I've been hungry all morning, so I've blown through my snacks.  It's ok though.  I will balance it out with a light lunch and no snacking this afternoon.

My biggest mental struggle is how to handle tomorrow.  We are having a potluck.  Here's my plan- sample, but don't overdo anything.  Say "no" to things that aren't special or don't continue to eat anything that's not great.  Bring fruits and veggies to snack on, and a light soup lunch....and try and go for an afternoon walk.

Also, this weekend I'm running all over Arkansas, but I just have to make good choices.  I'm putting it out there- Sunday I'm having lunch with friends.  They are taking me to an AMAZING looking Mexican place.  (I have no idea where I'm eating Saturday.  Goal is to make good choices.  NOT perfect choices, but make good ones on purpose).  But Sunday...I WILL control my chip intake and make a healthy choice.  I WILL.

So there.  I'm on point, and I plan on not blowing it this weekend.

Bonus Points

I had all real intentions this morning of waking up at 4:47, doing some weights, my quiet time, doing the dishes, and getting ready.

And then when I woke up, I heard the dreaded chirping noise - a fire alarm was dead and needed a new battery.  I thought "ok...so change it."  But I couldn't reach it on the step stool.  So (now my window to do my 20 minutes of weights was gone), so I wanted to sit down and spend some time in the Bible.  And when I sat down, I heard a TERRIBLE scratching noise in the kitchen.

A mouse.  Yes, a mouse.  We get them every fall like clockwork when the weather cools off.  But hearing that little guy in my kitchen just SET ME OFF.

And to top it off, we had our health screenings at work this morning, so I couldn't even have coffee!

Anyway, I woke Tyler up to take care of the problems....I've had my health screening, and now I'm eating my yummy egg muffin (do I get bonus points that it contains kale!?)....about to brew my first cup of coffee and get on with my day.

Yesterday I had two great Zumba classes....stayed pretty good to my food (got lunch out, but I logged it! and I made good choices!), my only mess up was having a serving of chips and dip with dinner.  And I do mean a serving.  I counted chips and everything. :)

I may have stepped on the scale this morning and was happy to see the number go down.  I won't officially report it yet because Fridays are weigh in days...but it's working! :)

Here's to a good day.

Bad Apple

I am weird with food. I can make a batch of something and eat it for days.  Then other times, I have an aversion to it.

Well, I made a batch of veggie egg muffins, and ate one yesterday.  Then this morning at work....it was the LAST thing I wanted for breakfast.  Just didn't sound good.

No problem, I thought.  I have an apple in the fridge.  So I washed it off, and as I was drying it, my finger went almost straight through the apple. It was so mushy.  Ick.  So no to the apple.

So here I am.  I had my 100 calorie Larabar mini for breakfast.  I know that won't cut it, so I may dig into my afternoon snack early.

But either way, I'm sticking with the foods I brought today.

I did well last night.  I DID have a little Skinnygirl Marg while I was watching DWTS (it's like 50 cals!), and I had an extra cup of coffee too (so a little creamer).  But I stayed away from the pie in the fridge....and I didn't binge while I was home alone for dinner.  #winning

I also hit my 10,000 steps yesterday.  Holla!

So goals today: stay on food plan (even with the bad apple), maybe take a walk at lunch, and get my two Zumba classes in tonight. Time to make it work!

Eating the Dadgum Celery

So today for a snack I packed celery and hummus.  And as the afternoon went on and lunch wore off - I was not looking forward to the celery and hummus.  To be honest, if I had a vending machine, I would have thought about caving.  But I DID have some snacks in my desk....but instead, I'm eating the dadgum celery.  It's good for me, it tastes pretty good (well, dipped into the spicy hummus), and I know it will help me move the scale down.

I'm already thinking about the weekend.  LOTS of friend time and lots of food.  Just having to make good choices. I enjoy sharing a delicious meal with friends. It's great.  And that means making good choices so I can still do that without blowing it. I'm prepared. And in the meantime, celery it is. :)

Small Steps

It was storming this morning.  A "I want to lay in bed because the bed is comfy and the world around me is thundering" morning.  But I got up.  And I drank my coffee, did my Bible study...and then I did my 10 minutes of weights.

I know that's not a lot...but when I've previously lost weight, I found that even doing 10-15 minutes of weights in the morning made me feel better and was a small step to starting my day off right. So I did it this morning.

I have all my food packed and prepped.  I don't think we'll get to walk on our break at work because it's raining....but I'm teaching Zumba tonight.  I may even challenge myself to do some weights and planks during commercials for DWTS tonight.  Small steps to victory, right?

Weekend 80%

Weekends are hard.  I'll just come out and say it.  Even if there aren't major celebrations going on, there's that "off work" mindset that makes it a struggle for weight loss.

However, I have a goal of making weekends 80% or better.  Because there has got to be room for some grace.

This weekend was pretty good for the 80%.  I did get a workout in on Saturday doing demolition at a friend's house.  That was tough and made me sore!  Sunday I took a walk with the family.  It wasn't strenuous, and could have been longer (but dad and the dog were finished)...but I still got moving.

As far as food, I was pretty good.  I had a glass of wine Friday night, but ate ok. Not perfect, but ok.  Saturday was good.  I just had normal breakfast, and had a sandwich/pasta salad for lunch.  Dinner Saturday was leftovers, and I had a popsicle.  Sunday, I had dessert at lunch, but I was actually pretty good with my portions, even though it was some of my favorite foods.

I have foods prepped for the week.  Breakfasts and lunches are ready to go.  And dinners will be leftovers, crockpot taco soup, church dinner (this week is potato and salad), and fend-for-yourself.

Thursday is boss's day, so we will have a potluck.  I've got to mentally prepare for that.  I think my game plan is to bring lots of fruits/veggies and watch my portions.

Next weekend will prove a challenge being out of town all weekend, but I just have to remember to make good choices.  Maybe if I psych myself up now I can stick with it! ha!

So there we go.  80% weekend.  I'll count it good.

Renewed Spirit and a Friday Weigh In

I spent quite a bit of time praying this morning, asking God for a renewed spirit about this journey.  I already feel better.  I know it's all about putting one foot in front of the other, so to speak, and taking steps every day. He has given me hope for this journey today.

I have my food planned out well.  I just have to say "no" to any things that may pop up.  I decided not to work out this morning, but spent some more in depth quiet time instead.  So that means later today, I'll have to get something in.  Either a DVD or a walk (if it's not raining).

I also did my first Friday Weigh In.  192.4.  That ain't pretty.  But it's somewhere to start.

I also took some "before" pics in shorts and a sports bra to compare every 10 pounds.

So at this starting weight, I have 32.4 pounds I want to lose.  While I may lose past 160, that's the initial goal.

So, that's losing 2 pounds 16 times.  I can do that. :)

Still on the Struggle Bus

I started this blog back in June...and it's October.  I'm still struggling.  I haven't found that motivation or the will to change.

I want it.  I have pants I want to wear.  I have things coming up I want to look/feel good for.  But it HAS to be about more than that.  Wanting it isn't enough.  I have to work hard and lose weight.

If you want to know the honest truth, I think I'm fighting this because I think I'm fighting God.

I KNOW this is what God has for me right now.  I'm not entirely sure why.  I'm healthy enough.  Doctors tell me I'm "ok."  But, I think God is wanting to use my testimony of transformation for HIM.

In the past, I've used it for me.

And I think I'm scared of that.  I think I'm scared of really trying again.  I'm scared of what God is asking me to do.  To get healthy.  To lose weight.  To work tirelessly day after day.  To pick up on this journey for the 1000th time and "start over."

But I know I HAVE to.  I'm defeated, and I know that is not from the Lord.

So here's my manifesto:

I will try.  I will not ask perfection, but I will try.  Every day.  Every meal.  I will try at every opportunity.

I will make better choices.  I will ask myself "Can I do better here?"

I will splurge responsibly (aka for a meal...not a whole day or weekend).

I will NOT live through food.  I will live through experiences and conversations.

I will meal plan.  I will pack lunches and I will pre-choose healthy items when we are going out.

I will ask for accountability when I need it.

I won't do anything I can't sustain (no juice cleanses, crazy 8 week boot camps, crash diets).

I will: count calories, workout 5 days a week, say "no" more often.

I will not set goals that are meaningless.  Working out 3 mornings in a week is good, but its meaningless if I follow my workout with a donut.

I will not be negative.  This is hard, but it's not impossible.  I will try not to complain about my choices.  I will try and see the joy in obedience.

I will not depend on willpower, I will make conscious choices.

I will weigh myself tomorrow, record it here and not look back.

I will reward myself.  Every pound is a song I can download. Every 10 pounds earns a massage.

Every pound is a victory.

I will work to be 160 again.  I will be 160 again.



That's it.  Day 1. Again.